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Where I'm From
Wednesday, Nov. 24, 2004
3:38 PM
These are pretty funny, even though most of them (but not all) are more applicable to Northern Virginia than to the rest of the state.
You Know You're From Virginia When... |
Speed limits are just suggestions You have at least two friends who have no idea what their relatives do...because its "top secret" government work Most of your senior class wend to Mason, JMU, Tech, VCU or UVA When people ask where you're from, you tell them DC because its easier to explain You've never told someone you're from Virginia without putting "northern," "central," or "southern" in front of it (See above.) It's not actually tailgating unless your bumper is touching the car in front of you. You know yellow light means at least 5 more cars can get through. (Yeah, man...at least. Probably also happens everywhere else.) A red light means 2 more can. You actually know what the black boxes at stoplights are for. Despite the fact that Virginia fought for the south in the Civil War, you are not, under any circumstances, a "southerner" You are amused by visiting relatives who are actually excited to see Washington, DC You took a field trip to Williamsburg as a kid You are amazed when you go out of town and the people at McDonalds speak English You or someone in your family has a Smart Tag An inch of snow and you miss 3 days of school All the potholes just add a little excitement to your driving experience Crown Victoria = undercover cop Subway is a fast food place. The transportation system is known as Metro, and only Metro. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new McMansions in its place For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have three new names. You have to dial the area code to call your neighbor "Vacation" means spending a day at King's Dominion or Busch Gardens. "Going to the River" means any stream with water. You have never been served tea without the waitress asking "sweet or unsweetened?" Your favorite past time is telling West Virginia jokes. Anyone who can't trace his or her ancestry back to at least four generations in Virginia is an outsider. "Going to the beach" means anywhere from Ocean City to Virginia Beach to Myrtle Beach. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Virginia. |
These ring more true for me, though I had to giggle at the reference to "the" stop light. The town (actually the whole county) where I grew up still doesn't have a stop light.
You Know You're From a Small Town When... |
The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's combine. The local phone book has only one yellow page. Third Street is on the edge of town. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going, anyway. No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one. Everyone knows all the news before it's published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right. The city limits signs are both on the same post! The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell. The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.
Second Street is in the next town over. There's no place to go that you shouldn't. A "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes. The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog. The New Year's baby was born in October. Running from the cops consists of hiding in the cornfield. You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to people where you're from. You have to drive five miles out in the country to smoke a cigarette. Headline news is who grew the biggest vegetable this year. There is no point in high-school reunions because everyone knows what everyone else is doing anyway. Driving cars up and down the main drag is a universal high school experience. You can name everyone you graduated with. You know what 4-H is. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't - same goes with the game warden. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting. School gets canceled for state sporting events. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were and if you were old enough, they would still tell your folks. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive back roads to smoke them. You were ever in the Homecoming parade. You have ever gone home for Homecoming. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town. You had senior skip day. The whole school went to the same party after graduation. You don't give directions by street names or references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks to the Anderson's turn left and it's four houses left of the football field). The golf course had only 9 holes You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason. You think kids that ride skateboards are weird. The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty" but is actually just like your town. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a great job. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as "rich" people. The people in the city dress funny, then you pick up on the trend a few years later. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference The city council meets at the coffee shop. Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis. Weekend excitement involves a trip to the grocery store. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride. Your teachers call you by your older siblings names. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents. You can charge at all the local stores. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away. So is the closest mall. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower. Everyone who played sports had to play on every type of team, or there wouldn't be enough people to have a team. |