Feeling Old and in a Funk

Thursday, Nov. 20, 2003
10:33 AM

I have been in a funk most of this week, for a variety of reasons. It seems to be slowly lifting now, but I still don't feel motivated to get anything done. I really need to finish up a particular mosaic project, seeing as how I've already been paid for it, but it's got some tiny detailed parts that have been kicking my ass. I've got those done now, though, so maybe I can manage to get the background done and then it will just need to be grouted. That will be an accomplishment.

I submitted two pieces to a juried show that is being put on by SAMA in January; neither one was accepted. I am not too surprised; I was pretty sure I wouldn't get in, but rejection is never an easy thing to deal with. I feel better, though, after hearing from some other people whose work wasn't accepted either - people who are exceptional mosaic artists, who I look up to and hope to eventually be on the same level with. I guess if their work wasn't accepted, maybe mine isn't so bad.

Wedding plans are coming along, though there is still much to be done. I need to call some florists and musicians, and we need to get in touch with the caterer. Kevin has picked out what he wants to wear and I think I've settled on a dress. There are still fifty million things to do and it's easy to feel overwhelmed. Not to mention you have to figure out how to pay for it all without going bankrupt.

Next week I turn 30. This feels strange to me - I don't feel 30, but then, what is 30 supposed to feel like? I guess this goes back to Leofwynne's discussion about what it means to be an adult. In a way I'm looking forward to this milestone. In another way, I feel old. I'm sure I'll feel exactly the same way on my birthday as I did before, but somehow it'll be different. Ugh - now I'm thinking too much, and I'm getting depressed again.

I'm going to go hop in the shower and then go wait in line at the DMV to renew my driver's license.