In a Funk

Friday, Sept. 12, 2003
2:03 PM

OK, so I admit it... I've been a bit grumpy the past couple of days. I am not that crazy about my job, though I am trying to give it a shot, to settle into it, before I decide to do anything about it. I just hate feeling stupid, and I've lost count of the moments I've felt stupid there the past couple of weeks. Feeling stupid makes me feel like being belligerent, though of course, I never am.

And then, feeling stupid already makes small mistakes seem huge. I f'ed up something on a project yesterday, and the fact that it's for someone else made me feel worse. I fixed it, but the fix doesn't look good and it's always going to bother me.

Normally I would be able to shake this since I've had a couple of days off. But for some reason I've been dwelling on these things, letting them get under my skin and continuing the cycle of grumpiness. I think I must be hormonal or something.

Feeling invisible makes me cranky too. I hate it when people walk up to Kevin and start talking to him without even saying hello to me. (Chances are, if you're reading this, you're not guilty of this faux pas.) Mostly it's fighter types who don't know me well, but many times it's someone I've at least been introduced to. And occasionally it's someone I know reasonably well. Kevin and I talked about this at Pennsic, especially when we noticed it happening, and since then he has made a point to greet his buddies' ladies, even when they are quiet or he doesn't know them well. This means a lot to me, and I hope others take notice and follow his lead.

There are other aspects of this issue that are bothering me right now, but maybe I'd better not elaborate in my present mood. I know I'm a quiet person, but it's hard to feel overlooked sometimes.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. We're having a bunch of friends over to work on projects, especially for Knight of the Heart. I'm sure that working on stuff and hanging out the people I am closest to with make me feel better.

I guess I should go finish tidying up the house...